Touched By An Angel - At Walmart

Thank you to everyone who has been praying and sending me words of encouragement and showing me kindnesses, little and big. I'm sorry I haven't posted an update. El Paso was wonderful beyond my expectations. Laura's extended family and group of friends welcomed me as one of their own, and I took delight in hearing their recollections, though sometimes all I could understand was the laughter (and tears). [I'm determined to learn Spanish along with Ethan this year when he starts high school.]

Best of all was that I think I made a "heart friend" in Laura's cousin Mariana, who welcomed me into her home and reminisced for hours with me. 

We Released 100 Balloons on the Count of Eleven

When I came back home, though, my sorrow and weariness overtook me. I've had a rough couple of days. I can't even put into words what I've been feeling, but my friend Gentle has done a good job of expressing it.

Gentle and I in the Shirts She Designed for our Three-Day Walk

Here's a link to a story she posted today that really lifted my spirits...


Touched By an Angel - At Walmart

Please keep praying for everyone who loves Laura.

Off to El Paso

Just wanted to let you know I am headed to El Paso today to attend Laura's Celebration of Life tomorrow. I'm driving down with her family (10 hours!) and flying back Sunday. I'm excited about spending more time with them but also a little nervous since I don't know them that well yet.

Thank you to everyone for your prayers and comforting words over the last week. I'm doing okay, up and down. I get so thrilled over how God shows me signs of his loving kindness, but then I suddenly feel... flattened. The last two days I did a lot of crying, and I think that is a good thing. The numbness is wearing off.

I'll probably do lots more crying this weekend, but hopefully some smiling and laughing too as I listen to her loved ones reminiscing over her life. Please pray for safe travel and for God to comfort us all.

I love you guys.

Sarah Louise

Home on the 11th

It grieves me to tell you this. My sweet friend Laura passed away yesterday morning at 6:40 A.M. It didn't come as a shock to me after watching her rapid decline, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. I'm not even sure how much it is going to hurt because I haven't really allowed myself to grieve yet. I've scarcely cried, except at inopportune moments like waiting in the bank line and watching Ethan's slide show the day after he returned from his school trip to Washington, D.C.

It just doesn't seem real. I can't fathom that I will never go for another walk with her, or eat lunch with her, or give her a hug. And I will never get to have my picture made with her. Wish we'd gotten around to that. I don't even want to think about how her son Samuel, who turns five in a couple weeks, will make sense of this. I know that she was suffering terribly, and I know she's in a better place, but my heart aches for her family.

One thing that has brought comfort to her husband is the fact that she died on the 11th, 6/11/11 to be exact. (You may recall she felt a special connection to the number 11.) We met on the 11th (4/11/10). I saw a rainbow over her house at 8:11. And just a few days before her death, our friend Gentle found an 11th verse when she was praying over my upcoming visit with Laura:

Psalm 91:11 - For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.

I had planned to whisper that verse in her ear yesterday afternoon, but those angels came and carried her home before I could get there.

And that's all I have to say for now. I think it's time to go have that cry now.

An Angel Named Matthew

I'm sorry I've been so quiet. It's been a busy, busy couple of weeks. I have many stories to tell, and hopefully I will get to the best ones, but here's the one that's been burning in my heart for over a week now....

A week to the day after God hung a rainbow over my friend Laura's house, I had another opportunity to see her, this time five hours away in Houston. I was visiting my cousin Chris in a different hospital just three blocks from Laura.

After I'd programmed in the main address and set my navigator to walking mode, my sister Amy and I set off in the cool of the evening. As we walked, I thought about the comfort that came with the rainbow, the way God filled me up so I could share His love with Laura. Are you going to give me another sign this time? I asked. I looked up at the clear blue sky: no chance of a rainbow here. I could sure use a sign tonight, I thought.

After only a block, we saw a hospital bearing the name we were looking for, but the navigator said we had a quarter mile to go still, so we kept walking. After another block, we saw yet another hospital with the same name, but this one seemed to be on the wrong street. And the navigator said we needed to go one more block down and then turn right.

We stood paralyzed on a corner, looking back and forth between the two buildings and the navigator. We didn't have time for a wrong turn because we'd be meeting our family in under an hour.

Suddenly, I noticed a young man on my left. "What are you ladies looking for?" he asked.

I studied him for just a moment before answering. He was a short, blonde man who appeared to be in his early to mid twenties, and he wore a name badge on a lanyard around his neck. He carried a fast food bag under one arm and a large soda in each hand. Deciding he looked harmless enough, I told him the name of the hospital and showed him the address I'd scribbled on a scrap of paper.

"What room is she in?" he asked.

"G1249," I answered.

"I know exactly where that is," he said. He started to give us directions, but he wasn't able to point due to the drinks. "I'll just take you there," he said.

Thank you, God! I thought. You sure sent the right person along.

"God sure knew who to send to guide you on your way, didn't he?" the young man asked.

I gasped. "I was just thinking exactly the same thing!"

As we followed him across the street to the second building we'd spotted (the one I thought was on the wrong street), he chatted with us as if we were friends. I was struck by his utter lack of self-consciousness, and by his simple manner, befitting a country boy.

"There are over 2 million square feet in these buildings, and I know pretty much all of them," he said. "I work in inventory."

He led us past security, where he had to flip over his badge for the guard. I noted then that his name was Matthew. From there, he took us to an elevator, and I was ashamed that I let him press the call button with his elbow. We rode halfway up before he realized this was the wrong elevator.

"I'm sorry," he said, pressing the button for the main floor. "It gets confusing."

"No problem!" we said. I asked him if he was sure he had time to show us around, and he assured me he had nothing better to do--though surely we must have been cutting into his lunch hour!

On the way back down, I said something about him being a blessing to us. "I'm Sarah, and this is my sister Amy," I said.

He turned to face Amy and announced, in a voice that was almost formal, "Amy means 'beloved of God.'"

"Yes, it does," Amy agreed. "That's why my mother chose that name."

"What does Matthew mean?" I asked.

"God's gift," he answered without hesitation.

I stared at this young man through the corner of my eye. Why would he know the meaning of my sister's name? Why would he take the time to lead two strangers to the 12th floor?

As we walked to another bank of elevators across the building, I couldn't resist voicing my thoughts. "I think you really are a messenger." Matthew smiled and punched the call button with the tip of his middle finger. Darn it! 

When we reached our floor, he led us down the hall and around the corner. "Just go to the end of this hall and the room will be to your left," he said.

"Thank you so much!" we said. "God bless you," I called after him. He disappeared around the corner, but the sense of calm I felt in his presence stayed with me.

When I saw Laura, I told her about my latest sign. "I think I just saw an angel," I joked. "His name was Matthew, and he was carrying fast food."

We stayed with her for about 30 minutes, mainly visiting with her father and her college friend Angelica, who was visiting from Lubbock. When Laura's mother Blanca arrived, she asked if we would like to pray. "Yes!" I said.

Laura's parents knelt on the floor and laid their hands on her knees. Amy and I stood on the other side of the bed and touched her arm and leg. Angelica stood across from us at her head. I took a deep breath and prayed for angels to surround Laura and minister to her, to wrap her in peace and love and give her rest. I prayed for healing, and I prayed my beloved Psalm 139 over her.

When I said amen, Amy took up where I'd left off. She prayed for Laura's son Samuel. Then, making the sign of the cross over Laura, Angelica prayed for the saints and angels to watch over her.

Blanca prayed last, all in Spanish. I caught very few words (like Lord and health), but I was very moved. It was as if my spirit could hear the Holy Spirit in her because the words didn't get in the way, sort of like a time when I heard Josh Groban singing in Latin and was moved to tears because his voice was an exquisite instrument.

My tears dropped onto Laura's blanket as I prayed in full agreement with her mother. When she said amen, we all stood in silence for a few moments, savoring God's presence. And then it was time to give Laura a hug and say goodbye.

When I hugged her parents, each told me the same thing: "You are an angel to Laura, and to our family."

I got to see Laura again the next morning, got to hold her hand and quote scriptures and tell her how God takes great delight in her, how He rejoices over her with singing and quiets her with his love. (Zephaniah 3:17)

It wasn't until I collapsed into bed that evening, after driving for hours, that I thought of Matthew again. On the edge of sleep, I felt a grin spreading over my face as I exulted in the way God had lavished his love upon me, giving me assurance that he was guiding us.  God, was he an angel? He really was. Wasn't he?

When I told the whole story to my friend Gentle the next morning, she gasped. "You know how Laura calls you her angel, and you always say you're not an angel?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Well, when I knew you were going to see her, I prayed that God would show you how you really can be an angel to her."

I heard the excitement in her voice and felt the wonder myself. "So that's why God sent Matthew!" I said. "Maybe he wasn't really an angel, but he was an angel to me. God answered your prayer, Gentle!"

Gentle and Laura on Our Girls' Night a Few Months Back

But I still can't shake the conviction that Matthew was a real angel. I talked it over with Amy this weekend. "Did you feel it too?"

"There was something in the way he told me the meaning of my name," she agreed. "It was almost like he was delivering a message. I do believe we each have angels."

"Maybe he was YOUR angel!" I said.

I guess we'll never know until we get to heaven.

Have you ever seen an angel, or suspected that you did? Do you know anyone who's seen an angel?

His Banner Over Her

On Sunday I got the call I'd been waiting a couple of weeks for: my friend Laura's husband Ray called and said she was able to have company. "Oh God, thank you," was my first thought. My second was, "How will I know what to say, and when to be silent?"

Even in the midst of all my prayers, I'd worked myself into an anxiety attack by the time I was driving to her house. The rain and lightning only added to my unease. "Don't be anxious about anything... pray about everything," I reminded myself over and over. But my chest was tight, and I could feel my heart racing.

As the darkness lifted and the rain slowed to an occasional splatter, I looked to my left at a most peculiar sunset. The sky was split in two: on the left was a wall of black clouds, and on the right were the muted colors of the sunset, though the sun was not visible. It looked like God was pulling back a curtain and giving me a glimpse of His beauty.

"Thank you," I whispered, taking in a few deep, calming breaths. And then I looked to my right and saw a rainbow--right in the middle of all the dark clouds! It was magnificent, so bright against the dark canvas.It was only half a bow, but the tallest I'd ever seen.

A Different Rainbow... But Similar

I kept watching the rainbow all the way to Laura's house. Just before I arrived, it transformed into something I'd never seen before. On the left side was the rainbow, still only half a bow and almost completely vertical. To the right extended a triangle of golden, orange light. I wondered where that light could be coming from since the surrounding clouds were still almost black. I concluded that it must have been a reflection off the sunset on the opposite horizon.

It's like a pennant, a banner, I thought. Immediately a verse went through my mind: "His banner over me is love." (Song of Solomon 2:4) And then I realized that, from my perspective, that banner was unfurled over Laura's house! When I glanced at the clock and saw 8:11 a thrill passed through me. (You may recall that 11 is her special number, that she finds comfort somehow in 11s.)

Climbing out of the car into the light rain, I realized that my anxiety had completely evaporated. In its place was an excitement to share this experience with Laura. Like me, she sees signs everywhere, and I knew this would encourage her.

Ray led me up the stairs to her room, where her parents, aunts, sister, and cousin had gathered around her bed. I glanced at the people, mostly strangers, and then shut them all out of my mind as I wrapped my arms around Laura and delivered my message.

I described the rainbow and the banner of light. I heard her sharp intake of breath when I mentioned seeing the 11. "It's like there's a banner of God's love right over your house," I concluded. "Laura, He loves you so much."

She thanked me for telling her the story. "I can see it, just as you described," she said. "I needed to hear that."

Recent Picture of Laura

And then we all laid a hand on her and prayed together, over the sound of  the heavy rain that now beat against the roof. I thanked God for the assurance of his love right in the middle of this storm. And I prayed Psalm 23 over her. Even though that is not one of the passages I have committed to memory, the words just flowed off my tongue. "We thank you that you are Laura's shepherd. She shall not want for anything.... Even in the valley of the shadow of death, she will fear no evil, for you are with her.... You anoint Laura's head with oil. Her cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow her all the days of her life, and she will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

When we said amen, I looked around and found that many of us were crying. But they were happy tears. I wish I could describe the way it felt, the way God's love was palpable in that room, binding us all together. I watched as her aunts and cousin took their leave, holding her close and whispering encouraging words that I couldn't understand because I don't speak Spanish.

"I don't know what you were saying," I told her cousin, "but I could understand the love you have for her. It's beautiful."

I'm so thankful God gave me this gift. It's like He pulled back the curtain and let us all glimpse his beauty for a moment.

Please continue to pray for Laura and her family.  I know that with God, all things are possible. I pray that she overflows with hope through the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13)

Please Pray For Laura

Yesterday Laura received some discouraging test results. Please pray for her healing, and pray that God helps her feel His presence and His comfort today. Pray that her faith is strengthened, along with her body.

Thank you!

Update 4/13/11 11:56 AM: Please visit my friend Gentle's blog for a suggested prayer you can pray for Laura.

Click here

Please take a moment to read the encouraging scriptures God gave Gentle as she prayed for Laura this morning. We are so thankful for your prayers.

You Can Be an $11 Blessing

I need to ask a small favor....

As you may know, in November I will be participating in the Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure® event, a 60-mile walk over the course of three days. Net proceeds from this event are invested in breast cancer research and community programs.

I'm walking for my dear friend Laura, who has breast cancer that has metastasized to her lungs and brain.  Laura inspires me continually with her courage, strength, and faith.

Laura with Son Samuel

I want to do something special for Laura in honor of the one-year anniversary of our friendship, which is this Monday (4/11/11). I don't really understand it, but Laura feels a special connection with the number 11. When she feels discouraged or afraid--or when she's really happy about something--she often notices 11s around her. For example, she might see an 11 on a license plate or road sign, or on a digital clock. She feels the 11s are God's way of telling her He's close and He loves her.

On the 11th, I'd like to absolutely shower her with 11s, and at the same time raise money for a cause that she supports passionately. Would you consider donating $11.11 in her honor? If you can't give $11.11, could you give $1.11? In my heart, this isn't about the money, but about being a blessing to Laura.

You can read more about Laura's story on my 3-Day page. 

Here's how you can help:

1. Make your donation here.

2. In the message section, enter a message to Laura (e.g. "Blessings, Laura!"). You can also enter your name if you want it to display.

3. If Laura's story moves you, please forward this request to others.

4. Whenever you see an 11, pray for Laura and her family.

If just 111 people give $11.11, that's $1233.21--enough to provide 10 free mammograms!

P.S. If you don't see this until after April 11, you can still donate. I will make sure Laura sees all your messages.

You Can't Measure it in Miles

I've been wanting to post an update on my 3-Day Walk progress, but I really wanted to be able to tell you how many miles I've walked. I've been walking about five times a week for just under a month, but I haven't had a chance to buy a pedometer. It really bugs me, not having an exact number to tell you, or even a ballpark figure. I walk anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours at a stretch, maybe up to 5 miles at a time.

My financial progress is easier to track: $611 out of the $2300 minimum I'll need in order to participate in the event. (I just noticed the 11, which is a number of special significance to Laura. Cool!)

So today I was thinking about how to quantify my progress, and I realized it has nothing to do with miles or money. Instead, I can measure it in joyous hours admiring the trees in bloom, with the breeze in my hair and the sun on my back. I can measure it in visits with God, whispering my prayers and then enjoying the companionable silence as we walk together.

And I can measure it in the number of acquaintances whom I've found the courage to approach in my neighborhood and at the gym, women who have agreed to walk with me on Saturday mornings in the park. I've already enjoyed two walks with my neighbor Kendra and her daughter Makayla; it's the longest time we've ever had to chat, and I think we're going to be good friends.

I've been getting up at 6:30 twice a week to walk and pray with Phyllis, the woman who knocked on my door and invited me to a prayer meeting last month. We've prayed for Laura, our families, our neighborhood, and our city.

I've had a couple easy walks with my family, much to Lola's delight. I've walked poor Allyson to the library, her preschool, and the park, until she complained about her aching legs.

I've had three long walks with my sister Amy, during which we built each other's faith as we prayed fervently for Laura, for my church, and for family members. I also had one Sunday walk--maybe too leisurely to count as a training walk, but most enjoyable--with Amy, our sister Emily, and our children.

Amy

Today, I had a lovely walk with Laura, the first we've had since I signed up for The 3-Day. The weather was glorious, and we had a good chat while Allyson raced ahead on her bike, then looped back, then conned us into walking her bike between us. I felt refreshed in spirit and in body, and I think Laura did also.

Laura and Son Samuel

I'm so excited to be taking this journey, and I can only rejoice in all the benefits I've already reaped.

He Gave Her Laughter

Last week I told you about Laura, my inspiration for doing the Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure walk. With her permission, I'm going to tell you our story.... 

I met Laura and her son Samuel, then three years old, on April 11, 2010. Our first words were about the devastating diagnosis she'd recently received: the breast cancer that had been in remission for 20 months had metastasized to her lungs and brain. "I'm so worried for my son!" she said. 

At that moment I had no words of encouragement for her. In fact, I immediately started to cry because Allyson was the same age as Samuel, and I couldn't fathom the thought of leaving her and Ethan behind. I held her hand and prayed with her through my tears, but I just didn't know what to say. I'm sure I prayed something involving Psalm 139, and I don't know how she reacted, but I walked away feeling that I'd failed her. 

Thankfully, God had other plans for us. When I got home from church, I started to sit down to lunch, but I just couldn't eat. I couldn't think about anything but Laura. Bill had taken Allyson with him to do some work at my sister Emily's house, and Ethan was in his room playing a computer game, so I had the house to myself.

On my closet floor, I poured out all the words that I wished I'd been able to say earlier. I prayed for her healing and her comfort. I prayed every scripture I could think of relating to healing, blessings, and love. Still, I felt no relief from the burden that had settled on my shoulders. 

I laid my face on the carpet and wept. "Oh, God!" I cried out. "What can I possibly pray for her? Please, Holy Spirit, tell me what to pray. Pray through me." 

Almost immediately, I thought of laughter. "Laughter?" I repeated. "How could she possibly have laughter right now? That doesn't make sense." But I felt a certainty that laughter was exactly what I should ask for. 

"Okay, God. Please give Laura laughter. Let her be so filled with joy and peace that she can laugh in the face of her enemy. Let your joy be her strength." As I prayed, my own tears turned to laughter. I laughed out loud with joy. It was crazy! It was beautiful! 

I laughed until I was gasping for air, and then I realized that the burden had lifted. I got up off my creaky knees and walked down to the kitchen to do what I usually do after I pray for someone: I got out a card and wrote down all the verses I'd prayed for her, and what I'd felt God telling me. But when I started to write about the laughter, my pen froze over the paper. How could I write that? What right did I have to tell her she needed to laugh when I couldn't possibly understand what she was going through? Would she be offended? 

I shook my head and plowed on. I had to tell her what was in my heart. After I'd addressed and stamped the card, I hesitated again, seized by an anxiety bordering on panic. Don't send it! She'll be angry. I set the card aside. I'll pray about it, I decided.

At our home group meeting that evening, I shared my dilemma--not the details of Laura's situation, but my indecision about sending a card that could be misunderstood, that might even cause offense. Their response was unanimous. "If you feel God leading you, you have to mail it," they said. And we prayed that God would help Laura to receive the message as it was intended. 

The next morning, I handed Bill the card to mail on the way to work. That evening, I called Laura to see how she was doing, and to see if there was any way the church could help her--bringing meals, running errands, etc. I was so terrified about calling that my fingers shook when I dialed, but the conversation was actually very enjoyable. We talked for maybe 30 minutes, and I promised to arrange some meals for her family and to stay in touch. 

The next day, Tuesday 4/13/10, I received an email that changed my life:

You have no idea how you have made a difference to me.  Last night after we spoke on the phone I felt an amazing feeling of peace, and somehow I felt empowered.  I had not had a night of peace like last night.  I felt this calling from God, so much so that I actually moved out of my bedroom and into the guest bedroom, where I have on a shelf and walls various images of angels and Jesus.  I felt this was my safe place, closer to God.  I then read a comic book (from page 1 until the end) called Cancer Vixen, a gift from a co-worker who is also a breast cancer survivor.  I had not read the comic book, it had just sat on my table for weeks, because I felt too depressed and didn't feel right reading something funny.  But, last night was different.  I couldn't put the book down and read it until 2:30 this morning.  I laughed out loud like I had not done in years, and ever with a book.  Then, I woke up this morning happy, upbeat, not dragging my self to work, and for the first time in two weeks I actually got to work on time, not 1 hr late.  I had a good day today.  I came home to realize my son doesn't have school tomorrow, so we played all afternoon.  Then I got your card in the mail, and it made me weep, for I now know why I felt so much joy and had so much laughter last night.  Thank you for praying for me, and for asking God to bring me joy and laughter!  I have no doubt your prayers and sacrifices for me have moved the holy spirit within me.  There are no words to express my gratitude.  I trust in the Lord that he has a plan for me, and will pray for healing.

I fired off an ecstatic response the moment I finished reading. "I believe God is using this experience to call both of us to a closer relationship with him," I said. "I don't think I have ever prayed so fervently for anyone, but I've believed for a long time that God is calling me to intercession. This certainly inspires me to heed that call."

I wanted to call her the next day, but she phoned me first. "We attended a training seminar at work today," she said. "You'll never guess what the topic was... It was on the power of laughter!" During the seminar, they had shared a case study of how laughter improved the recovery in cancer patients. 

"I think God is making sure His message gets across!" I marveled. 

Since that time, Laura has become one of my closest friends. I've enjoyed spending time with her and her family, and getting to know her better. The more I learn about her, the more she inspires me with her courage and her strength. 

You wouldn't have time to read about all the other amazing things God has done in us and through us, so I'll just say that God has given us a very powerful connection. When she needs me, I always seem to KNOW. I'll pray for her, and then I'll send her a card or a text message, or pick up the phone. The timing is always perfect.

God has answered many of our prayers, and He's given me an assurance that she is already healed. Once, while I was praying for her, I said, "I'm going to dance with joy when Laura is healed." Immediately I heard a voice in my thoughts: Dance now! She's already healed. So I danced for joy, all alone in my closet, and then I ground her defeated cancer under my feet.

Now I'm just waiting for her body to come into alignment with that spiritual reality. In the meantime, I can't believe how much my faith has grown through hours spent on my knees--and more recently, miles of prayers while I'm walking. I'm so thankful God brought us together, and I look forward to years of fellowship between us and our families.

Small Beginnings

For several years now, every time I've heard about the Susan G. Komen 3-Day Walk to benefit breast cancer research, I've thought, "I really want to do that someday." But this year is different. Now I know Laura, a beautiful, brave young mother who's battling breast cancer. (I hope to share more of her story with you soon.)
 

Laura and Her 4-Year-Old Son, Allyson's Friend Samuel

For weeks, the commercials for the November event have been tugging hard at my heart. But all of the obstacles have been tugging just as hard in the opposite direction--like the 60 miles, and raising $2300 for the event, and walking for hours each week to prepare myself physically.

Back in January, my friend Gentle sent me a message inviting me to join her 3-Day team, the Tutu Warriors. She wants to do it for the same reason I do; she's been so inspired by Laura, and she wants to do something to honor her. Oh, I was tempted to join Gentle's team just like that. "I'll pray about it," I said. And I did. But I just didn't hear anything one way or the other.

A few weeks back, I had lunch with Laura, and she poured out her heart to me. After I talked with her and prayed with her, I phoned Gentle in tears. We talked about Gentle's plans for the 3-Day Walk, how it's such as small thing to do compared to what our friend is going through, yet how it feels good to do something to honor her--and maybe something that will help other women avoid the suffering she's endured.

While I was talking on the phone in the Walmart line--rude, I know!--I had an epiphany. "I know a way that this walk can really benefit her," I said. "Gentle! What if every time we train, every time we walk, we pray for Laura? We can pray alone and pray together. All of those hours of prayer--surely they will make a difference."

A tear slid down my cheek as I laid out my produce on the counter. "Gotta go," I said. "It's time to pay."

Can you guess what happened next? Do you know me that well? Yes, of course you do. After that talk with Gentle, I thought and thought and thought some more. And I still felt like I just couldn't commit to all that training time. I felt overwhelmed and ill equipped and rickety. And so disappointed in myself. "God, do you want me to do this?" I asked. "I'd really like to do this. But I need you to direct me. I need to know it's your will for me to take on one more commitment."

I heard nothing. 

Gentle's Sign
Around the middle of February, Gentle's household went through a string of illnesses that knocked her flat. She began to wonder whether she'd be able to stay well long enough to complete her training and do the walk. She almost decided to withdraw from the event, but then she asked God to give her a sign if she should continue. I believe it was that same day that she heard a friend of ours on the radio, sharing part of her testimony on her birthday. Gentle logged on to Caroline's blog to leave her a comment. Guess what the word verification was?

Yep, "comen." Not quite Komen, but close enough. Gentle was in! She snapped a picture with her phone and emailed it to me. Here was my response:

Wow! I've asked God to give me a sign about the walk, one way or the other. There is a huge part of me that wants to do it so much, but there is another part of me that feels stressed whenever I think about all that training, about adding MORE stuff to my already overloaded schedule. I told God tonight after I talked to you that I am not making a move until I feel a positive confirmation from him that it's what he wants me to do, and if it's not that he would give me a sign about that. Pray for me!

My Sign -- A Smile!
For the next couple of weeks, I just let it go. I was disappointed, but I figured maybe this wasn't the year for me. And then my sign came this morning, when I wasn't even watching for it. Laura came and sat next to me in church, and my heart leapt because I hadn't seen her since that lunch weeks ago. We sat around talking for a few minutes after church, and then she walked out to the parking lot with me and my family. She was having a rough morning, but I saw her face light up just one time: when she told me she heard from Gentle this morning. "Gentle's doing the 3-Day Walk!" she said. "I'm so excited. I told her I'd help her in any way I can."


"I've been teetering on the brink," I admitted. "I want to do the walk with Gentle, but I don't know how I can fit in all that training. I've wanted to do this for years."

"Oh, me too!" she said. "But my doctor said I couldn't do all that walking."

As I hugged her goodbye, I fought to hold back my tears. She wants to do the walk, but she CAN'T. It's not that she can't find the time in her busy schedule, but that she physically can't. And here I was with an able body, hemming and hawing.

Back at home, I asked Bill if he would help me get some family walks in, and if he could support me in this effort. "I know you can do it," he said. I wanted to tell him all I was feeling after talking with Laura, but I couldn't speak. I just stood in the kitchen and melted into my husband, enjoying his strong arms. When Allyson tried to get between us, he pushed her away gently. "This is a Mama hug," he explained, squeezing me even tighter.

Getting Started
Once I finally made up my mind, I was so excited to get started. I signed up as part of Gentle's team, and I went on my first training walk--a 3-mile round trip to the grocery store. As he watched me load up a backpack with the grocery list, a lady bug cooler insert from Allyson's lunch box, some cloth grocery bags, Kleenexes, some cash, and a water bottle, Bill couldn't resist teasing me a little.

"It looks like you're setting off on a huge expedition," he said.

I laughed at myself right along with him. "I've got to have a place to put the groceries," I said.

My walk was mostly glorious, on this 80-degree (27 Celsius), breezy afternoon--except that the top of my left foot started hurting about halfway there. (I'll be needing new shoes, I think.) The hardest part wasn't the walking, but the praying. I realize this will be as much about spiritual training as physical training.

Once I figured out that I could turn most of my memory passages into prayers for Laura, it was fun. "Praise the Lord, O my soul," I said to the wind. "All my inmost being praise His holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits--who forgives all Laura's sins and heals all her diseases, who redeems her life from the pit and crowns her with love and compassion, who satisfies Laura's desires with good things, so that her youth is renewed like the eagle's." (From Psalm 103)

Before long I was downright rejoicing, and the throbbing in my left foot seemed to fade away.

I know it's just the first step in a big journey, but it feels momentous. It reminds me of a verse our pastor read this morning: "Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin." (Zechariah 4:10).

[Draws deep breath here...]

Would you consider partnering with me in this small beginning? You can visit my participant page HERE to make a donation or to join our team. I'd love to have company on my training walks, and another buddy to walk with our team when the big day arrives.

One more request: Could you please pray that God will help me reach my fundraising goals? And please pray for Laura and her family!